Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Sarah Palin Equation

You are a Republican voter who desperately wants Obama out of the White House, but you are dismayed at the choices left to you in the 2012 GOP primaries.

Mitt Romney? Too much liberalism...and Romneycare? Yuck.

Newt Gingrich? Yikes. Gingrich has pulled the pin on his grenade. He is using one hand to hold onto the grenade...and he's using the other hand to get drunk. Bad things will happen.

Rick Santorum? Seems like a nice guy, but he has very little money or organization.

Ron Paul? Yeah.... about that...

Anyway, here is the solution.

It is called "The Sarah Palin Equation".

It is named for the former Governor of Alaska -- whom many voters were desperately hoping would enter the Presidential race. This mathematical equation was invented because Sarah blew the dog whistle. Sarah basically said -- without saying it -- that she would be willing to be the nominee. She wants her supporters to mobilize, but she can't come out and say it without appearing to be impolite to all the current candidates.

I'll help Sarah out.

I thought about it and wondered... "How could we get to a brokered convention?"

The remaining candidates would have to split the delegates fairly evenly to prevent them from brokering a deal amongst themselves. Here's how it could be done.

If you are a Republican voter, and you want a different this.


(for proportional primaries)

If you were born in January, February, March, or April
.... you vote for Gingrich

If you were born in May, June, July or August, vote for Romney

If you were born in September, October, November or December vote for Santorum

(For winner-take-all primaries)

Everyone votes for the candidate in last place in the delegate count.
(In many cases, this will be Ron Paul)

Now, this equation not only helps Sarah Palin fans, but it also helps Mitch Daniels fans and Jeb Bush fans. Hell, even crazy Ann Coulter could get her dream-crush Chris Christie into the race if this plan works out. But people would have to follow it.

It would take an army of Twitter and Facebook fans to spread this idea around.

Who knows? If Sarah Palin were just to say one time on television... "I have heard that if you Google the phrase 'The Sarah Palin Equation'.....

(Phil Jennerjahn is a candidate for Congress in Californias 28th Congressional District.)